1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
