you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
