If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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