btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
