Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
