Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
