After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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