Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Houston, we have a squirter
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
