Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
