I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
