dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
