does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
