At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
