Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
PANTIES FOUND
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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