actually, I'm a sock model
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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