Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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