I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
