Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
