I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
