I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
