And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
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In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
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Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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