you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
