Just fell off a train. Bad.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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