It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
