And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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