she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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