We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
