I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
