All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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