Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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