wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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