There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
