why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
