i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
