Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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