Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
