you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
