your parents love me but you hate me
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
