PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
