the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize