You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
