You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
