I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
