Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
