I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
