We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
