She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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