and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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