remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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