I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
