Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
