i just google imaged poop.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
