drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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