I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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