It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
