We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
