Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
farters have to be the big spoon...
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
