i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize