HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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