my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
