Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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