She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
