Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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