My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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