Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
