Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
True college students do jello shots in the library
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