I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
