Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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