It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
