The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
